Loving Those You Did Not Choose

I stumbled into a powerful quote by Arthur Brooks book, Build The Life You Want, about family relationships that I feel called to share with you today. 

As leaders, who are building for the long-term, relationships are integral to living a rich life. Relationships come from our ability to be good stewards.    

I shared a while back how Andre Agassi healed his heart and found peace with his father Click here to read.   

If we do not find peace with those who are intertwined in our life journey, then we leave ourselves vulnerable to being hurt. Hurt People Hurt People. We leave ourselves vulnerable to transmitting the pain at work or passing it on to the next generation in our family. Click here to read.  

I’m convinced if you and I are playing a long-term game with long-term people, then we HAVE, to do the hard work on ourselves to be able to cultivate relationships with those we have not chosen—such as family.  

WARNING THE BELOW IS AN INCREDIBLE CHALLENGE & CALL TO ACTION FROM ARTHUR BROOKS:   

“Giving up is almost always a mistake, because ‘those people’ are, in a mystical way, you. Your spouse is a completion of you as a person. Your kids provide a rare glimpse into your own past. Your parents are a vision of your future. Your siblings are a representation of how others see you. Giving that up means losing insight into yourself, which is a lost opportunity to gain self-knowledge and make progress as a person. Never give up on the relationships that you did not choose, if at all possible.” (124)   

The above is what stewards do.   

Being a steward is hard.  

Stewards enrich relationships during our brief moment on earth.   

Of course, there are times when ending a relationship is necessary, but it’s worth reflecting on whether walking away is a truly healthy decision—or its actually letting yourself off the hook.  

Cultivating and upholding grace for those you didn’t “choose.”   

Flexing the muscle of grace. Flexing the heart to heal.  

That’s playing a long-term game with long-term people.   

May you and I find in our hearts an opportunity to give some grace this week to someone who really needs our love.  

Onward,  

Matt